Dementia advice: Here are 16 safe things to say to your loved one
For loved ones of dementia patients, communication is often one of the biggest challenges.
Not only can it be difficult for the person with dementia to express themselves, but the person can also experience a heightened emotional reaction to what might seem like a simple statement, question or observation from others, experts say.
“When communicating with a person with dementia, it is essential to keep in mind the importance of empathy, simplicity and respect,” Dr. Michele Nealon, a psychologist and president of The Chicago School, told Fox News Digital.
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“The goal is to communicate in a manner that elevates the individual’s dignity and sense of well-being, provides emotional support and reduces anxiety.”
To help ensure smooth, stress-free communication, dementia experts shared some examples of the right things to say to people suffering from Alzheimer’s or other cognitive disorders.
“The goal is to communicate in a manner that elevates the individual’s dignity and sense of well-being, provides emotional support and reduces anxiety,” an expert said. (iStock)
1. ‘Can you help me?’
It can sometimes be difficult to get a person with dementia to go somewhere with you or to complete a task, according to Christina Chartrand, the Florida-based vice president of Senior Helpers, a home care company that often helps dementia patients.
“If you ask them for help, many times they will be happy to go to a location or assist with a task — it feels purposeful,” she told Fox News Digital.
“It is important for them to feel like they are contributing and have purpose.”
2. ‘I understand you’re feeling upset’
Validating the person’s emotions normalizes their feelings, even if it’s a reaction to something that doesn’t make sense or isn’t even real, according to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind.
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“You can also say, ‘It’s normal to feel that way,’ or ‘I hear you,’” she told Fox News Digital.
“This prevents head-on confrontation or argument about whether their emotions are ‘justified’ in reality-based terms, which might induce frustration or confusion.”
3. ‘I enjoy spending time with you’
Showing affection can reassure people with dementia and help them feel better about themselves through social interaction, said Hafeez.
“Appreciation or gratitude is likely to create a rosier setting.”
“Appreciation or gratitude is likely to create a rosier setting in which patients are encouraged to let their guard down about their cognitive challenges,” she said.
“It doesn’t dwell on their limitations, and emphasizes the vital role they still play in your life – a message that can bolster self-esteem.”
4. ‘Shall we sit over here?’
It can be helpful to give the person a simple task or change of scene, Hafeez advised.
“Simple distractions can help reset the mood, especially if the person seems agitated,” she told Fox News Digital.
Validating people’s emotions normalizes their feelings, even if it’s a reaction to something that doesn’t make sense or isn’t even real, one expert said. (iStock)
“Instead of telling them what they are experiencing is wrong, gently offer an alternative to shift their focus without confrontation.”
5. ‘You are safe’
It’s important to reassure safety, particularly when someone with dementia feels disoriented or anxious, according to Adria Thompson, a licensed speech-language pathologist in Kentucky with 10 years of experience in dementia care.
“A simple affirmation, such as ‘You are safe,’ can provide immense comfort,” Thompson told Fox News Digital.
“This is especially powerful when you get on their eye level to convey this message directly.”
6. ‘Would you like to listen to some music?’
Music stimulates positive feelings and memories, even in late-stage dementia patients, according to Hafeez.
“It’s a calming, joyful way to engage them,” she said.
“It is essential to keep in mind the importance of empathy, simplicity and respect.”
“Music doesn’t require gray matter or a detailed conversational agenda, so you are less likely to experience stress or confusion while affording reciprocal enrichment.”
7. ‘Tell me about your favorite memory’
“Encouraging someone with dementia to share a positive memory can help them connect with their past and feel more grounded,” said Dr. Michele Nealon, a psychologist and president of The Chicago School, to Fox News Digital.
“It allows them to engage in a conversation that is comforting and familiar, which can be reassuring and validating for them.’
8. ‘I’m sorry’
Apologizing and showing empathy can be an effective way to de-escalate situations with someone who has dementia, according to Chartrand.
“Even if you haven’t done anything wrong, saying ‘I’m sorry’ acknowledges the person’s feelings and can help calm them down,” she said.
“A simple affirmation, such as ‘You are safe,’ can provide immense comfort,” an expert told Fox News Digital. (iStock)
“People with dementia may have difficulty processing information or reasoning, so meeting them with understanding and compassion rather than trying to correct or explain can create a more positive and peaceful interaction.”
This approach helps to maintain their dignity and ensures that they feel supported and understood, Chartrand added.
9. ‘Let’s do this together’
“Offering to do an activity together, whether it’s folding laundry, setting the table or any other simple task, encourages a sense of participation and teamwork,” Nealon said.
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“It helps the person feel useful and involved, which can boost self-esteem and create a positive shared experience.”
10. ‘Let’s try it for now’
Getting a person with dementia to try something new or go somewhere can be challenging, Chartrand noted.
“If you ask in a way that is not permanent but is just ‘for now,’ it can provide a more positive experience,” she said.
11. ‘Can you tell me more about that?’
Michael Kramer, a long-term care educator and director of community relations for retirement residences in Ontario, often asks this open-ended question of his residents, as it invites the person to share thoughts and feelings.
“This in turn fosters genuine engagement and provides insight into their perspective,” he told Fox News Digital.
Instead of simply saying “goodbye” when you leave, it’s best to inform the patient of why you’re leaving, an expert said. (iStock)
“Asking this question also helps to avoid frustration by allowing them to express themselves in their own terms.”
12. ‘I have to go now, so I can get my shopping done for dinner’
Instead of simply saying “goodbye” when you leave, it’s best to inform the patient of why you’re leaving, according to Leonie Rosenstiel, president of Dayspring Resources, Inc., in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
“‘Goodbye’ might sound as if you’re going away for a long time, and that thought might upset them,” she said.
13. ‘I’ll remind you about that in a minute’
Due to the forgetfulness that dementia often causes, people with the condition can become hyper-fixated on a certain topic or detail, according to Kramer.
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“This phrase is useful when dealing with memory issues, because it offers a gentle reminder without creating pressure or frustration,” he said.
“It also provides reassurance that important details won’t be forgotten.”
14. ‘It’s OK if you don’t remember — let’s enjoy the moment’
This reassures the person that it’s acceptable to forget things and shifts the focus to the present moment, Nealon noted.
“The secret to stay-safe communication is to make the interaction one that is relaxing, friendly and non-threatening,” an expert said. (iStock)
“It helps alleviate any pressure they might feel to remember and encourages mindfulness, which can reduce stress and anxiety,” she added.
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Hafeez agreed, pointing out that memory loss can be frustrating or embarrassing for the person with dementia.
“Instead of calling attention to their forgetfulness or expecting them to remember, this expression relieves pressure and encourages a more relaxed interaction,” she said.
15. ‘Let’s look at these photos together’
Engaging in an activity like looking at photos can stimulate positive memories and provide a distraction from any confusion or agitation they may be feeling, according to Nealon.
Engaging in an activity like looking at photos can stimulate positive memories and provide a distraction from any confusion or agitation they may be feeling. (iStock)
“It’s a way to connect emotionally and cognitively without putting pressure on them to remember details,” she said.
16. ‘Would you like to go for a walk together?’
Offering to engage in a simple, shared activity like walking can provide a sense of normalcy and companionship, according to Nealon.
“Physical activity is also beneficial for reducing anxiety and can help improve mood,” she said.
“This invitation is non-demanding and promotes a calm and pleasant experience.”
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The common thread among all of these suggestions, according to Hafeez, is that they make the person feel safe and connected.
“The secret to stay-safe communication is to make the interaction one that is relaxing, friendly and non-threatening,” she said.
“It is to be trusting, honest and genuine, and to make them feel connected to you.”
