GREG GUTFELD: Trump has faced figurative bullets and now literal ones, and he just gets stronger

So, with the nomination of Trump and his VP, JD Vance, America woke up today to two white men who may well run the country for the next four years. That’s two Hitlers for the price of one. So what’s going on here? Why are evil white men not only leading in the polls but adding minority voters the way Joy Behar adds chins? Right now, these two evil whiteys have the Democratic Party looking about as organized as a smash-and-grab at 7-Eleven. 

The truth is there is a key difference between the left and right that goes beyond policy, which is why people of all types are shifting Republican. At heart, the right loves America. They’re not afraid to show it. They’re the ones who stand for the national anthem, who love the military, who see America as a force for good and get satisfaction from their families, their country and this show, of course. But the left is quite simply as miserable as Morning Joe when Mika’s dieting. Or Mika when Joe’s having his period. Both sides have their warriors, for sure. But at least the right are happy warriors. That’s why we’re winning. And thanks to Trump, Republicans got their groove back. 

For an example of the difference between the two sides, just look at the reactions to the assassination attempt. Think about it. The guy they hate gets shot and they’re the ones who are miserable, including many who made no secret that they wish the shooter hadn’t missed. But our guy gets shot and what happens? Everyone chants USA! Trump gets his head creased by a round from an AK, and he pops up full of defiance and love for his country, looking for his odor eaters. Because that’s what he meant by ‘fight’ of course. He meant fight for this place, fight for its founding principles, its freedoms, its strengths, not its damn pronouns. 

TRUMP LEADS BIDEN IN BLUE STATE FOLLOWING ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT: POLL

Now, imagine the reverse. Imagine the reverse if Joe lost a single hair plug. He’d be in Walter Reed for a month. What a contrast. One president’s got a bloody ear and the other needs Miracle-Ear. You can wrap Trump’s whole head in bandages like the mummy and he’d still be more aware of his surroundings than old Joe. And Biden rallies? They’re in such boring, sad places: high school gyms where everyone acts like they’re at a doctor’s appointment and it’s a cross between Doctor Frankenstein and Doctor Kevorkian. 

Meanwhile, Trump rallies are massive and happy, and even with a shooting, people mourned. But they also moved ahead. You couldn’t take them down. Trump has faced figurative bullets and now literal ones, and he just gets stronger. And he’s always smiling. A real smile, too, not the skeleter grin Biden’s had since his plastic surgeon stapled his ears behind his head. Circumstances have shaped Trump into a greater force and one who’s having a ball. All while the media tried to paint him as soft. Oh, look, he fell. It was just a loud noise. Oh, it was probably glass, right? If these people were covering the Hindenburg, they would have told us, well, someone was just lighting farts. But if that happened to Biden, the media would be crying like Chris Christie when the McRib was discontinued. 

Meanwhile, the lawfare against Trump has been falling apart like a toilet seat on Lizzo’s commode. I love the word commode, what can I say? Americans of all stripes and colors saw it as BS. So doesn’t it seem like there’s something about the timing of all this? Biden’s pathetic debate, the shooting with Trump just turning his head, the end of the documents prosecution, and now today’s conviction of Menendez as we see how the corrupt Democrats led a guy accused of being an agent of a foreign power to stay on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and receive classified briefings while on trial. Democrats, maybe it’s time to ask yourself, is all this what happens when God or some other force for justice is on the other side? Because in this movie, we’re the good guys and the Dems know that finally they’re the bad and the reward is coming this November. 

So if you doubt any of this, just look at the supporters on each side. Trumpers are happy pappy’s ready to fight, sure, but happily so. While the other side are hysterical, terror-stricken mopes that are as unhappy as Jerry Nadler’s belt buckle. But the celebs on the right are out there swinging but enjoying the fight. 

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Finally, just look at the name of Trump’s deputy communications director. Her name is Caroline Sunshine. That’s really her name. Can you get a happier name than Caroline Sunshine? She even looks like a Caroline Sunshine. And yet, no surprise Joe’s name is Biden because that’s all he’s doing: Biden’ Time.